solace reached

i'm sitting in the early evening sunlight listening to the quiet grooves of the Pixies album that my lovely lady lent me (enough alliteration for you?), and this is so swell. i woke up today in a daze, feeling scummy and slow, but i got home, had a shower, changed clothes, and felt human again. i have started reading The Five People You Meet When You Die, and I think, this is the perfect headspace to read this book. It discusses death and the lessons you learn from it, and today feels like a very peaceful summer day to digest that sort of thing.

my family likes to go on vacation during the stressful work/school weeks, but i always feel less inclined to do it around that time. but today, now, i would feel very happy to go to galiano or whistler or go camping with them, to sit in a hammock on the beach and read, to cook marshmallows with my little brother. lifting the pressure of school has softened me and left me more accepting and caring and craving even more solace. So much in this house reminds me of school because here is where i am constantly going to hide out from the day-to-day, and now i want to travel to a place where i can hide out from hiding out.

i feel like i snapped at my mom a lot yesterday, and for all i talk about feeling compassionate it is nothing if i don't act on it. i will apologize to her today. she works too hard to deserve my bullshit all the time. i think leah has softened my heart in more ways than one and i suddenly need to apologize to people and thank them for what they do every day.

thank you.